Monday, May 2, 2011

Begging For A Break From My MonStrous Life

I was JUST overcoming the latest MS attack which was on the left side of my body - numb leg, foot, thigh, part of my torso, arm, hand and horrible nerve pain on my shoulder.  This is my first attack in almost 2 years so that's wayyyyyyyyyyy better than getting an attack once a month with the CRAB drugs. :)  My hollistic Dr. prescribed Alpha Lipoic Acid (Antioxidant IV) x4 as treatment, first time I'de ever used this so imagine my surprise when it DID take away the pain and numbness, except numbness on the tip of my thumb and forefinger which took a little longer to mend.  It's 100% natural, has 0 side effects and only takes 20 minutes to administer unlike the horrid steroids I used to take, PLUS it worked way better than the poisons ever did!  Let's rejoice for that....but not for too long!  'Cause rather than getting a break, I am now experiencing ugly facial spasms that are making me look like a stroke victim!  This is the 2nd time this has happened, first was just 6 months ago.  As some of you may know my nurse sister-in-law Keisha visited last week and brought up the possibility that I might have magnesium toxicity.  This made sense since I take 1000mgs a day and the recommended dose is 250mgs and some of the side effects are facial spasms and trouble breathing, and I've been having a hell of a time with my asthma.  But my general doctor drew blood and said that my levels are fine and it is NOT magnesium toxicity. 

This is partly great news since that means I can continue to take magnesium for my digestive health.  But not so great 'cause that means I still don't know what's making me look like Anthony Hopkins in Legends of the Fall!! LOL  My family dr. prescribed a muscle relaxer both times.  He ordered an MRI the first time to make sure that a mass, like a tumor was not pressing on my facial nerve, and luckily it wasn't.  Phfewww, another potential crisis averted! :)   But now since it's happening again I fear that I'm going to HAVE to bite the bullet and see a dreaded Neurologist.  Only reason why I'm doing this is because in my never-ending online research I read that facial spasms can happen to MS patients, when we get a lesion in the part of the brain that controls the facial muscles, and can be successfully treated with anti-seizure meds like Neurontin.  The muscle relaxers have done nothing other than make me sleepy and dizzy. :(  I definitely wanna know if that's what this is 'cause I do NOT want to end up with a crooked face for the rest of my life!! My vanities have definitely been and will continue to be tested, but I just avoid mirrors at all cost.  I can't avoid mirrors forever though...:( Having a face that is not completely unfortunate was at least something, please don't take that away from me too!!!

In times like this I remember one of my favorite Bible passages, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD.   "Plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future".  This passage always brings me comfort and I hope it'll do the same for you. :)  I heard something pretty great at church a couple of weeks back.  God allows us to go through horrible suffering because when we crumble is when we need Him most, when we're stripped of all self assurance is when we remember that it all comes down to Him and that He's the only one that can help us.  So instead of being mad at God for letting us go through everything, we need to thank Him for making us strong enough to get to the point of brokenness.  Because there lie many blessings. :) 

So life goes on as it has but at least I do NOT have to stop taking my beloved magnesium. :)  Thank God for the little things. :)  He has graced me with a great support system in my wonderful husband, family (that includes in-law family) and fabulous friends.   I have a beautiful house, more than enough to eat, shoes on my feet and the list goes on.  That's so much more than the majority of the world has.  Some might say I'm cursed but I consider myself a very blessed woman. :)  I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve. :)  We all have a cross to bare, mine just happens to be REALLY heavy! LOL  No wonder I've fallen so many times! ;-) Luckily I am not required to bare this burden on my own, God is helping me carry it and one day I will know why this has happened.  Until then to my fellow Msers and anyone dealing with a lot in life right now, let's keep on keeping on.  Let's keep our faces held high, even if that face is crooked, and remember that our suffering is not for nothing, that God has a plan for us all, and that sometimes that plan takes us places that we would rather not go. 

Stay tuned to hear about my new hope and natural alternatives to the CRAB drugs. :)

4 comments:

Adriana said...

What a great post. I don't remember that Bible quote, but it certainly resonates. It makes sense that the strongest people sometimes have the hardest burdens, because it humbles us. You are very strong, and beautiful throughout, whatever is happening on the surface right now.

*Mandie* said...

That's one of my FAVE Bible verses! It was our "school verse" at the Christian school I attended for 5th-9th grades; so, I keep it close to my heart always. I am thinking of and praying for you daily, my friend! I love your positive attitude, and the way you keep your eyes focused above! We could all learn a lot from your example. (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

I love the Bible verse and didn't know it. In Jan. 2008 I had numbness on the left side of my face. I've had spasms in my legs but not yet in my face. I am so glad you are a fighter and will not give up. It's interesting that you are a person of faith. My faith in God helps keep me going and gives me hope. Roy Swank wrote that his MS patients all seemed to be people who pushed themselves harder than average and thus, when they developed MS it was hard for them even to adjust to what most people consider a "normal" pace. I thought it was an interesting and insightful comment coming from a neurologist who worked with people with MS for more than 40 years. What is it about those of us with MS that makes us want to embrace life with both hands--even in the face of the MonSter? I don't know, but I am so glad to have met you!

Gisselle said...

Thank you SO much for your sweet comments Adriana, Mandie and Christine! :) This one was a hard, emotionally charged post, but I'm glad that it seems to have come across correctly. I'm telling you, God must be REALLY trying to bless me right now 'cause he certainly is allowing my trials to be many and often after several months of getting a break. I'm ready God, after the rain comes the rainbow right? I'm ready for my rainbow. :) Is it super cheesy that I'm remembering the Nelson twins singing After The Rain circa 199something? LOL If you've not seen the video or heard this song you MUST check it out on youtube to get the full effect. ;-)